My Forever
by randomusername08
Summary: Set during New Moon.  Since Edward left Bella, she has had a very predictable existence…But one day she gets an unexpected visit.  One-shot  Please read and review...!


**Set during New Moon.  
****Since Edward left Bella, she has had a very predictable existence…But one day she gets an unexpected visit. (One-shot)**

_Title:__**My Forever…**_

_Author: __**Randomusername08 (Priya)**_

Today was just as same as the last. In fact the last few…days?…weeks?…months…had been the same. The seemed to hold little meaning lately. I didn't know how much time had passed, I just knew it was passing…without them—_him_. The Earth continued spinning, the circle of day and night continued, the season continued to change, while my own life, my universe had come to a stand still. There was no change in my life since...the end. Life continued as an endless circle of same monotonous routine. And for that I was thankful.

So ironic that at some point I had so desperately yearned for forever, and now it seemed like I had been awarded with a very twisted form of forever. A forever of monotony, of pain, of grief. A forever without love, without _his _presence, without _his _touch, without _his _love…without half of myself.

Every night I would wake up from yet another terrifying dream—the same dream actually, replayed again and again, yet never losing its intensity. Never failing to shake me to the bones, to shatter my non-feeling heart all over again. Every night when I would be startled into consciousness, I would try to make myself presentable—or human enough to be seen by one—before Charlie came in hearing my screams. I would try to attain dreamless sleep again after he'd left; which I gave up, after a while, sensing its futility. As another day would rise I would get ready for school. Drive mechanically to the school. In school I would try to focus on what the teachers were saying—what anybody was saying—but it felt like I was trapped in a bubble from which I couldn't break free, even after vigorous attempts. And my attempts, to be honest, were anything but. I liked being trapped, isolated from the world. It felt safe. Who knew what the outside world held? Who knew what kind of demons it was harboring? It was better being numb, detached; I couldn't be reached here. I was safe. Safe form the world, safe from love, safe from hurt, safe from them. Safe…as safe as I had never been.

So, today on a new day which brought nothing new, I woke up, expecting life to be the same as any—anticipating, without putting much thought to it, the same thing that happened everyday…

But was greeted by a sight that was different…

As I descended the stairs, I could hear sounds of people talking. There was hardly ever such sound. My father had never been much of a verbose and I was as good as the dead…As I rounded around the corner, I saw my _Mom _sitting on the couch with Charlie, talking in a low, intense voice. They both had a serious expression on their face, and were leaning toward each other.

I didn't know what to think of the sight. And I couldn't think anything of it anyway. I was still enjoying my numbness.

I walked into the living room slowly and sat down on one of the chairs and looked at them. They stopped talking then. I hadn't noticed that the way I had been staring at them was not actually normal. I was just staring; I hadn't been able to conjure up emotions. I worked at it. Mustering as much fake happiness as I could, I put a smile on my face. I should be happy to see my Mom, shouldn't I?

"Hi, Mom," I said hoping the tone of my voice was in accordance with my expression.

"Hey, honey. Everything going okay?" she said, still sitting on the couch, making no move to come hug me or such. Good.

I nodded.

Charlie turned to me then, trying to put an expression of enthusiasm on his face and failing. "Bells, do you know why your Mom is here?" he said slowly, like he was speaking to a little kid, and he had a candy to offer.

I turned my face toward him hoping it held enough curiosity.

"Baby, you are going to stay with your Mom for a while. Isn't that great?" He said with an expression, which I think, was aiming at cheerful.

"Huh?" was my eloquent reply.

"She came down here hoping you would go back to Florida with her for a while. She misses you." He turned to Renée, obviously looking for assistance.

"Yes, honey, would you come back and live with your old lady for a while. I really, really miss you. Phil does too. We would both like to have you back with us. So honey, would you?" She looked at me expectantly.

"No," my reply came out even before I had given it a thought, but as thought about it I realized that my answer would have been the same. I wouldn't…I couldn't.

"What, honey?" Renée said patiently. I was getting agitated.

"No, Mom. I'm sorry but I can't come with you."

"Why, bells? Your Mom and Phil really want you. It would be a good thing too; a change. I'm sure you would love a change of scenery. God knows rain and clouds aren't your thing." He chuckled a bit at the end, nervously.

That was it.

Ever since my Mom had asked me that question, I had been wondering, not if the answer I had given was correct or not, but why I had said 'no'. Now I had my answer, I didn't want to go because I was holding on to the rain and clouds, to the omnipresent shade…to Forks. The cloud blanket felt familiar, cozy, comforting. I didn't want to give that up for the clear blue sky, it made me feel exposed just to think about it. And that felt too dangerous. I was too raw to be exposed…I needed to covered…I wanted it…

I had become so close to believing that none of it ever happened that I was holding on to everything I could find, even it was just a figment of my imagination. I could not leave Forks, because even while living in this magical place I had come so close to not believe in magic. If while I living here my grasp on what was real was so feeble, how was I expected to stay sane if I lived anywhere but here, even for a defined period of time. I knew if I went Florida, I would certainly believe that _ he…they_ never existed.

I could not.

"Dad," I said as patiently as I could, "I can't go to Florida with Mom."

"Bella, dear, don't be so hard on your Mom"

I tuned to my Mom, who was looking at me with a very concerned expression. I didn't need it right now. "Sorry, Mom, but you have know that I can't. I can't just drop everything and go. I can't leave Forks. I _won't _ leave Forks," I said and got up to leave and exile myself to my room.

I had realized that today was a Saturday, I realized as made my way upstairs that there was no school so I couldn't even momentarily exit this _situation _and embrace the numbness.

My Mom stayed that day, moving about in the house, and I in my room. I came down during mealtime when I was called. I didn't eat much but went down to sit with them nonetheless. Everybody was quite during the time, no sounds except for the clattering of the cutlery. As soon as the meal was over I would retreat to my room. It wasn't that I was mad at my Mom, or that I was trying to behave as a petulant child, it was just that I didn't want—_need_—all of this right now. I was not leaving this gloomy, little town and they needed to know it. I was not letting go of _him_—of any of it.

* * *

The next morning I was still trying to will away the recent nightmare when my Mom came in. She carefully entered my too clean room, and came to sit at the edge of my bed.

"Morning, honey," she said softly putting a hand on my forehead.

"Morning." My voice sounded hoarse, barely human, from the screaming.

"How are you, darling?"

"Fine." I was getting better at lying, specially recently.

"Oh, that's nice," she said, clearly buying into the lie, I think. "I wanted to talk to you about something."

I looked up at her, putting on a mask of curiosity on my face.

"Why won't you come to Florida with me?"

"Because, I don't want to; I can't"

"Yeah, I gathered that. But, why is it that you can't, sweetheart?"

I didn't say anything.

"Is it because of _him_?"

Silence.

But the pain in my stomach had started to make its presence known with more force than ever.

"You can't let this continue for much longer, dear."

I kept quite. Not wanting fight. But more than that I _couldn't _fight, everything she was saying was right. My mind knew that, but my cold, numb heart…my soul couldn't. It refused to.

"I know." I didn't.

"I think it would be really good for you to come to Florida with me," she said, lovingly. "Baby, I think it would do you really good to get away from this place. A change would be beneficial for you…maybe it would help you forget…and move one."

I didn't _want _to forget, that was the whole point. I didn't want to move on. While I was searching for a way to make the pain bearable and manageable I never sought to be free of it completely, I never to get rid of it. I wanted the pain, it reminded it wasn't all a very good dream. I didn't want a change.

"Mom," I said slowly, though my patience was wearing thin. I thought I had already explained it. "I'm not leaving."

"Why?"

"I can't."

"You should."

"I won't."

"Isabella Marie Swan, you are not doing this to me. I'm your Mom and I'm telling you it is in your best interest to come with me, and you are going to do as I say. It is an order," she finished breathing little heavy.

"And as adult I have complete right to not follow your every word. It is my will where I live and you can force me to move anywhere or do anything I don't want to. I'm going to say this one time and one time only _I'm not leaving Forks_," I finished much in the same tone she had. "And if you and Charlie are going force me to leave then I'm going to move out of this house and find my own lodging," I threatened. I knew it was wrong, but unable to stop myself, nonetheless.

"Honey, we just want the best for you," she said reaching for me again.

I was sitting on the bed now, still tangled in the blanket, breathing through my nose. This was different for me. I hadn't felt any emotions in a very long time, and this; the anger, was almost completely new to me. I was lost on how to handle this emotion—a powerful one at that. So it may have come out with more force than intended. I got up from the bed with a loud growl of frustration and anger…and something else.

"You want to take me away? Pack up my stuff and leave?" I let out, stampeding toward my closet. "Go ahead, take my stuff"—I threw my clothes on my bed, where my Mom was sitting in utter silence and shock—"take this all. Take it all; take _me_ with you, but know that you'll only be taking my body. My soul stays here. I'm nothing without this place, without what this place gave me. I'm empty; a shell. I'm hollow. _I'm nothing_," I was speaking without thinking, I had no idea what I a saying. I didn't have time to edit my thoughts. It was frightening to consider that there maybe truth in my words. I had never consciously thought about it—I had not _thought_—now it seemed, it may just all be right. I was scared.

Hoping to distract me from the fear and wanting to feel anything but, I concentrated on anger. I threw more of my clothes, shoes, books, anything I could find. I was like a tornado, leaving destruction everywhere in its wake.

After I had demolished the whole room, I suddenly fell to the floor, my eyes, I sensed, where full of nothing now. It all started to come back to me then; what I had unknowingly known. It hit me with a huge force and crippled me. I was hollow shell of a person I had once been, I couldn't be accepted as a normal human being anymore. I was utterly altered…transformed. I was finished. My existence was just that: an existence. I was not living a life any more; I was just getting from day to day…

I sat on the floor in my room, beside _the _window and _the_ rocking chair from my childhood that had held once greeted memories—but now only taunted me—and cried in what felt like forever—my own twisted version of forever. Trapped in my cursed forever I finally cried.  


* * *

**Thank you for reading!**

**This took me very short amount of time to write, which lets just say is a rare happening, and it felt…umm like not total crap to me so I thought of sharing it with my fellow twilight lovers. This was one of the very first things I wrote and had been lost in the folders of my laptop...I had to run a search to find it...And I'm blabbering now...I'm gonna stop! **

**For the love of Twilight REVIEW, please. Good or bad? Remember English is not my first language and I wanna learn it!**

**Make my pitiful life better...by reviewing. It doesn't cost ya. Heehee! ;)**


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